Posted on September 5, 2013


So, yet another situation has me baffled;  dating.

Dating is a challenge under the best of circumstances, dating as a sober person is even more of a challenge.  In recent years I have tried to be more open-minded about dating.  I am very aware that if things are not working the way I am doing them, then I need to make a change.  I know that being super picky about petty things is no good- I am not a woman who thinks my man has to make a certain amount of money or drive a certain kind of car or live in a certain neighborhood.  The things that are important to me are honesty, values, drive, sense of humor, and a similar approach to life.

The thing that baffles me is the breaking up part. Over the years, I have been in endless dating situations where the guy just vanishes.  All of a sudden there is no call, no response to text, and he is gone. I understand when one of us has a feeling that things are not working out, and usually if one is getting that vibe so is the other.  I do not understand the blatant lack of respect of the disappearing act. This has happened countless times and in conversations with friends, it seems that this behavior is not uncommon. Maybe it is appropriate after one or two dates and there is no real connection or whatever, but when you have spent some time with someone, certainly if there is an established relationship, shouldn’t there be a conversation?

After this has happened so many times over the years I have found myself in a precarious state of mind when it comes to dating. Uninterested.

I am also aware that I have to look at the choices I am making in dating and the people I have chosen to date.  But how do you know if someone is too much of a p**sy to have an adult conversation and be a grown up? There are some warning signs that are super obvious and I am smart enough to be aware of those, but I am baffled about the disappearing act and how you could foresee that. How do you know when this is a part of someone’s character?

It is difficult not to take it personally when someone is so disrespectful to you, it makes me feel like I am not valuable as a person. This guy thinks so little of me as a person and as a woman that he can discard me like I am nothing. It seems like common courtesy to me.

On a positive note, I have to continue to look at the things I can learn from each situation and how I can make different choices and hopefully encounter people with a little more maturity and respect. In the big picture, there are always warning signs that become more obvious with time and I think I need to be more conscious of these things. When someone is in their 30’s or 40’s and enjoys cartoons and video games they are probably not a good match for me.

I don’t mind the end of a dating relationship, after all, this is all about practice and learning and improving. But when it is time to end it, I would like to be treated with respect and kindness.

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