Friend No More

Posted on April 9, 2013


There is this strange phenomenon in my sober life that makes me sad and sometimes angry. People always want to reach out to me to talk about their drinking and their drinking problems, but when they decide to keep drinking, they don’t want to be my friend anymore. Should I not be available to people anymore in their time of need?

This just happened again a couple of months ago. This person and I share a lot of mutual friends so the name is brought up constantly. It has gotten me thinking about this and trying to figure out how to handle it. I spend my time caring for my friends and trying to always be a good friend. When my friends call me and ask me if we can get together for coffee, I usually have a pretty good idea what it is about. It isn’t always about them- sometimes it is about their child that has been caught experimenting with alcohol, sometimes it is about a parent, maybe they know someone that needs to do an intervention…but most of the time it is about them. I always make myself available- whether I have to take time away from sleeping or take time away from homework, I always make myself available.  These are very important conversations for a person to have, it is a confusing time to be questioning what is happening and to possibly be at a crossroad in your life, and if someone trusts me enough to have that conversation with them then I will always make myself available.  I will listen, I will never judge, and I have no expectations.

My problem is that when said people decide to continue drinking and ignore every piece of information offered, they all of a sudden don’t want to hang out with me anymore. Now I’m the enemy?  I don’t get it.

So let’s get one thing straight-  I do not care for a single moment if someone decides to continue drinking and living their life the way they see fit- it is none of my business! Everyone’s journey is their own to create and endure and I do not care at all how anyone chooses to do that. I just want my friends to stop ignoring me like I’m the enemy because they are uncomfortable with their choices. If you make a choice you should own it, and don’t take it out on me!

I don’t care if YOU drink!!  It only matters to me if I DRINK!!!

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