I was speaking with a co-worker today and he made the mistake of asking me how school is going. Poor guy, he had no idea what he started.
I have a lot of resentment toward my college career. I was almost finished with a specific program and my state took it away. Several semesters and many thousands of dollars down the drain. Now, to follow the career path I want I have to get a degree that doesn’t have anything to do with my career path and I do not like it. I have no interest in the topic of study and it is a slow sort of torture.
That’s the short version.
I was completely overtaken with my anger and resentment and went on a tangent for several minutes. I went on and on and on with at least every other word an F-bomb.
Not my finest moment.
Afterward, I went back in the other office and sat down and I felt embarrassed. I feel embarrassed that I have let this situation get the best of me and that I have so much resentment. I feel regretful, because every time someone asks me about school I am enraged and have been incapable of hiding it. Finally, I feel exhausted. I feel exhausted because this anger wears me out and I can typically accept things and move forward. But not this. Each time I have to sign another student loan document I get more pissed off. Every time I have to sit through a class ( 9 hours a week) that has nothing to do with what I do, I get more pissed off.
After the incident today I have made a decision. As soon as I send my co-worker an e-mail apologizing for my abhorrent behavior, I am no longer going to complain about my school situation. I can’t take the negativity that it breeds and how I make people feel when they think they are asking a simple question. I have to move on, I have to let it go, and I have to get over it.