On Sunday morning I thought about my friend and how I wanted to call him. I have some business things I am putting together and he is one of the smartest people I know so I wanted to talk to him and get his thoughts. I made a mental note to call him that afternoon. Instead, I got the call that he is no longer with us.
I have been to a lot of funerals in my life, far more than I care to think about, and sometimes I wonder why. As I have learned more about life and living and loving I have a different understanding. I do believe, truly, that everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to. I believe, truly, that every person is brought into our lives for a reason, and I believe that we learn something from each one of those people. Sometimes I have had people appear in my life to teach me how I DON’T want to be, but mostly I see things I love and respect, qualities I admire and want to strive for in my own life.
Jeff was a great friend to me. He was incredibly intelligent, he was an avid reader, he was a hard worker, he had an amazing laugh and sense of humor, and he always treated me with respect and integrity, and he had a terrible heart condition. It’s strange, it’s like we knew his death was coming, but it was completely unexpected.
So tonight (Tuesday) was a small gathering of friends at one of his favorite restaurants. I felt a little out of place because I didn’t know a lot of people but I wanted to be there. And tomorrow morning is the funeral.
They say he went peacefully, he was in his home, he was alone, and he was there for several days before he was found. And there is one thing that I can’t get out of my head: I hope he wasn’t scared. It makes me sad that he was alone, and I just pray that he wasn’t afraid. I am relieved to hear that he wasn’t in pain, I am so grateful that he wasn’t in pain all by himself. But you don’t know what happens in the process of dying and what goes through your head, and I just hope he wasn’t afraid.
I believe that he is better now. He had a long and sometimes difficult battle. But he was an amazing person, and an amazing friend, and he will be very missed. Tomorrow morning (Wednesday) I will go to the funeral and I will be amongst friends. It is a sad day, and I love my friend, and I will forever miss my friend.