I’m having a difficult time right now living in the moment. My sponsor says we plan for the future but we live in the moment. This is along the same lines as ‘one day at a time’. I feel like there are so many fantastic and exciting things in the process of happening that I just want them to happen already!! Next year looks SO good that I just want it to be here! The problem with this longing for the future, is that I am taking the present for granted. I am forgetting to be grateful for the things I am blessed with everyday and I am not enjoying things. I am in this constant rush to get through one thing to hurry up and get to the next thing. When I am at work I can’t wait to get home, when I am home I can’t wait to get finished with homework, when I am in AA I can’t wait to get to the gym, when I’m at the gym I can’t wait to get to my reading and writing, then I can’t wait to get to school…..it is a vicious cycle. And its not that I am unhappy or not enjoying my daily things, I am just in a constant state of hurrying. I am not connecting with people, and I am never relaxed. Every minute of my everyday is planned down to the minute and all I am thinking about is the future. I am already excited for Christmas and the New Year to be over so I can get on with my life! LOL! So ridiculous! I will admit, I am not a big holiday person and I’m not sure that I ever was, so holidays don’t hold the same fascination for me as for most. I have always been alone and for many years I lived far away from my family and I have always worked every holiday. When I have my own family this will definitely change.
I think, I am going to make a point to slow my head down a bit. I am going to enjoy the minute that I am in and I am going to pay attention to the people around me. I want to appreciate each moment of my life, because I have a life in sobriety that I never knew I could have. How selfish of me to forget that not too many years ago I was half dead and headed to jail or the grave. This life that I have now is something I dreamt of, something I thought everyone in the world had but me. Today I am going to slow it down, I am going to remember that each step of my day is a blessing, and there is no rush. Today, I’m going to start living in the moment.