I heard this fantastic thing early in sobriety about the thinking of an alcoholic. If there is a fence and someone tells you to walk along the top of the fence, keeping your balance, and making it all the way to the end, a ‘normie’ (non-alcoholic) person will start, lose their balance and fall, and get right back on the fence and try again until they make it. An alcoholic will look all the way to end, get wobbly, say ‘forget it!’ and jump off without ever even making an attempt. This is the story of my drunk life. I never believed in myself. I would assume that I couldn’t do it, and I would never even try.
Now, in my sobriety, the greatest lesson I have learned is to never give up, never stop trying. I learned this a lot with school, but also with work, as well as personal relationships. If an assignment seemed overwhelming I would hesitate or put it off, then when I would do it I figured out that it wasn’t as difficult as my imagination would have me think. Last year, I was offered a fantastic job. I went to numerous interviews, sent thank you cards, followed up….and eventually I got it. But when I was a drunk I never would have followed through. I would decide that I wasn’t good enough to work somewhere like that, I could never do it….then I would have been relieved when I didn’t get it. Mostly because I didn’t want to have to really work for anything. This past year has held such great accomplishment for me. A lot of confusion, some sadness, extreme exhaustion, and my best growth so far. A few things that I have been working really hard for, are finally starting to fall into place. Such a blessing.
It really is about taking it all one day at a time. Everything can seem overwhelming at times, and my head will spin. But the one thing I know today is, don’t jump off the fence.