We treat lonliness with isolation. It’s so true. I have been thinking a lot about my sober friends and how much I miss them. It seems like, at this moment, I don’t even have many. I have been really disconnected and I have certainly been treating lonliness with isolation. I have retreated into my home with my homework and my dog and I just don’t want to come out.
Early in sobriety I was blessed with a group of fantastic friends. It is so important to be surrounded by like-minded people when you make a change of this magnitude. Several of us had come in to the program within months of each other, a few had a year or two sober already, but all of us were young (not so much me, but everyone else was young!) all of us were single, and all of us were eager to be sober and get better. We had so much fun. We went to meetings together, went to eat after meetings, we had shows we always watched together, we played games, drank coffee, and had high hopes for our future and the possibilites it held. A few of us held service positions in our home group, we did service work together and we were all really good friends.
In the last year, I have moved from that part of town, I have a new home group, and it hasn’t been so simple to make new friends. I think having a ridiculous schedule doesn’t help much either, but I really miss having sober people in my life. I miss having people to talk to about the things that are important to me, people that understand the importance of the small things and how big they are. It takes some tragedy in life, and some major fear, to get to this place. When you almost lose your life you tend to look at things a little differently. I take things pretty seriously now, and regular people don’t get that. I have principles that I live my life by, I have things that I have to do on a daily basis to allow me to live healthy and sober. Regular people get to get up and just proceed with their day. If I don’t do the work, every single day, the consequences for me are huge.
I miss sober friends, I miss the comaraderie, I miss being understood, I miss being involved. The past few days I have stopped isolating and I have reached out to some people. It has been awesome. I want to be a part of this amazing thing again, and I want to be surrounded by people that understand my thoughts and feelings without me speaking them.
The more lonely I feel the farther I have been retreating into my house and my studies. Now, it’s time to get out and live again.