A matter of timing means I have to be patient. For those of you that know me, you know that patience is not my strong suit. For most things I feel like if you work hard enough for it you can make it happen. But when it comes down to it, I truly believe that everything happens exactly when it is supposed to happen. Its not about when I want it to happen or when I think I’m ready for it to happen- it happens when it is supposed to.
Over the last couple of years I have been working really hard to achieve certain things. My own personal ‘to do’ list, goals to achieve, changes to be made. Certain things have taken longer than others, and I have had moments that I was really concerned and confused. I wonder why things aren’t going the direction I want them to, is there something I am doing wrong, is there something I could be doing better or differently? Then I have to remind myself that everything will fall into place when it is time.
Well….I think it’s time. I believe that if the timing isn’t right and something comes along, it won’t work out. If I am not at the top of my game then I wouldn’t be capable of handling it anyway. Like a job- I have many jobs, and I am grateful for each of them. They are different from one another, they are fun, and they are each rewarding in different ways. One of them is super high pressure. Two years ago, I wouldn’t have been capapble of handling that sort of pressure. But at this stage of my life, after personal growth and change, I am able to navigate my way through the drama, to not over react and to remember to always be grateful for the opportunity. With school, I was not ready to be a student one single minute earlier than I did it. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. I had to wait until Iwas able to be dedicated and committed and those things didn’t come to me until later in sobriety.
I think you get my point. Now I am in this place, where something has fallen into my lap, and I feel like the luckiest person in the world. Mostly because I know that I will not take advantage of the situation, I will not take it for granted, and I will not for a moment forget that I worked hard for it and I will continue to work hard to deserve it. I am so grateful, I appreciate it, I want it, and I will earn it.