Sober Dating…

Posted on June 8, 2010

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Wow, this is a brutal topic, lol.  I get asked about this aspect of my life a lot as a single woman, and usually from people who are not sober but are just curious why I’m still single.  The thing is, dating is very tricky under the best of circumstances, so when you throw sobriety in the mix it gets just a bit more tricky.  I have spent my years of sobriety with a very open mind about dating.  I have dated guys that drink, I have dated guys that drink excessively, and I have dated a guy or two that is sober.  Obviously none of them were right because I’m still single-  What I have learned though, is that it is important for me to be myself.  The problem for me dating someone who drinks is that our priorities are going to be very different.  In my experience, drinking people like to do things in drinking places.  I understand, I was the same way.  I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything where drinking wasn’t involved.  And I don’t mind going to bars.  I have a lot of drinking friends and I work in bars so going to bars doesn’t bother me or make me uncomfortable at all.  The difference is, I like to go to the bar of a nice restaurant.  Have dinner while watching a game or socializing with friends.  I don’t prefer a nightclub or sports bar.  I also like to go home at a decent hour rather than staying at the bar until the lights come on.  And honestly, after the eating part,  I would much rather be at the bookstore or coffee shop.  I guess it is a matter of learning about who I am and what I like.  Throughout the years of dating I was the girl that would do whatever everybody else wanted to do, whether I liked it or not.  Now, that feels like a waste of my time.  I would rather be alone doing what I enjoy rather than spending time with someone doing a bunch of stuff I think is lame.  Being sober has allowed me to become a person that I always wanted to be, and that takes a lot of work.  Sober or not, finding someone that holds themselves to the same standard and respects the dedication, and who enjoys the bookstore instead of the nightclub…. is going to take some time… 

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